What Codependency Is
The Beginning of Codependent Relationships
Codependency starts when a person goes against their own beliefs, desires and opinions in a relationship to make someone else pleased, or lives believing they need an outside person or substance to be complete. It could be called operating with a false self.
Most people, when they read this, will be quick to say "I never do that." The reason behind this is, as children people are programmed to live through others expectations (codependency). Such things as putting them on a rigid schedule and making them eat foods they don't like instead of offering choices actually causes them to be codependent.
Pushing the sports or talents you want a child to have either because you did not have them, or because you want your child to live the way you did, also creates codependency in personalities and behaviors. People are so programmed by adulthood that they have adopted a false self (codependent) and do not realize it. Codependency has become real to them.
There is also a subconscious connection to becoming codependent. When a parent who has been abused or neglected in some way is unwilling to make the effort to overcome codependency in their own life, they transfer the codependent personality and behaviors to their children.
This is the beginning of how codependency develops. Codependency in Teens Adolescents and Youth, is a guide to how a normal child could be raised, without the codependency traits or need to become false.
It takes a lot of work to begin codependency recovery and more work to see it through. As you do, you and those around you, including your children (if you have children) will be brought into more consciousness and overcome their false self without as much effort. Wholeness includes physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. The four go together as part of your soul.
It Takes Two to Be Codependent
Codependent relationships begin when family members take on addiction or codependent family roles rather than express their feelings, wants or needs.
It should be quite easy to identify when a person has adopted a family role, because they do not know how to communicate anger in a healthy way. In some alcohol and drug users anger is expressed at the rest of the family by the addicted one. It can escalate into domestic violence, leaving the family in a victim role. The rebel is more inclined to let the anger out but it is in a negative way that labels him as a troublemaker. They do this to distract from and enable the addicted one. These are all signs of codependency.
When people start to find help for codependency and overcome the codependent family roles, they realize how much of their life has been stolen, it often leads to anger at the injustice of codependency. It can mean not having childhood's, missing planned events and not being allowed to talk since everything is 'secret'.
When this anger begins to surface it can be a positive sign of recovery, since family members are reclaiming their dignity and individuality, thereby breaking the codependency cycle. This is the road to becoming whole.
How to appropriately express your wants and needs.
