Alerts, Signs, Signals & a Plan
Stay in the now, don’t bring up the past and all the other things a person does.
Stay with one subject at the time.
Talk to people directly, not behind their back, avoid the gossip.
Close friends can be a help in codependency recovery by allowing you to discuss problems and confide in but don’t tell the whole neighborhood your private business.
When possible use a statement and not a question. “I need…”, not, “Would you be able to…”
Be sure you understand what people are asking before you agree to things. You can say, “Do I understand you to want me to?”
Avoid the ‘guilt trip’ on either side (it promotes codependency) and state firmly what you will do or not.
You have a right to change your mind later, if a situation is not working out, is too stressful for you, or begins to reveal codependency.
While breaking the patterns of codependent relationships, remember that anger sometimes alerts you to when something is not right and you are in danger. Use it as a hint to leave or state your boundaries quickly. Call for help if you need it. Leaving a situation often lets you think of how to handle it with a calmer mind.
Make an emergency plan for yourself and have a “help list” of people you can call if you need to.
Keep gas in the car and the basic functions running so you can get away if you need to. Get a security system for your house. There are devices such as loud whistles you can take with you if you jog.
Assertive skills can help at home but violent people can not be reasoned with. Remember some people don’t care if you live or die so be sure you use precautions and care about yourself first.
