Healthy Relationships vs. Codependent Relationships
The family system is an organism whose parts are interdependent, but members operate as a system. Codependent symptoms and behaviors often go unnoticed until a family member attempts to get help.
There are rules that eventually develop which members use to determine how they should act and feel. This builds a system that is made up of the component parts and linked together in a particular way to accomplish a common purpose. The sum of these parts usually creates either a healthy family or condependent one.
Recovery Help:
Understanding patterns and predictable ways families have for dealing with major problems.
Healthy Family System
- Self worth is high.
- Communication is direct, clear, specific and honest and feelings are expressed.
- Rules are human, flexible and appropriate to change.
- It is natural to link and be open to society.
- Each person has goals and plans to get there, and should be supported by the family.
Codependent Family System
- Dependent use of drug is the most important thing in a family life.
- The root of problems for the whole is denial, rather than addiction or use of a substance.
- Blame others and make no mention of it, covering up, alibis, loyalty to family, enables.
- Nobody may openly discuss problems with others.
- Nobody says what they feel or think.
How to Help a Codependent Loved One.
- Learn facts about chemical dependency and codependency.
- Go to counseling or visit AA.
- Encourage your loved one to get involved in new activities.
- Refrain from preaching and lecturing.
- Never approach with a holier than thou attitude.
- Don’t make threats.
- Expect total recovery to take time.
- Keep from over protecting your loved one from alcohol or drugs.
- The choice has to be theirs.
- Ensure honesty, stay away from being deceitful or going behind your loved ones back.
- Let your loved one find their way to overcoming the codependency.
Nurturing Communication Gives Help for Codependency Symptoms
- Communication is direct and honest.
- Family member both listen and talk.
- Self worth of each person should be recognized.
- Problems are faced.
- Family members work together to solve their problems.
- Feelings are accepted and encouraged, both negative and positive feelings.
Codependency in the Family: The Rules
- Don’t Express Feelings
- Be Strong, Good, Right, Perfect
- Make Us Proud
- Don’t Be Selfish
- Don’t Rock the Boat
- Don’t Talk or Trust
- Resist Outsiders in the House.
- Keep Family Secrets
- No personal Privacy
- Resistant to Change
Symptoms of Codependency
- Repression
- Care Taking
- Low Self Esteem
- Obsession
- Denial
- Controlling
- Little Communication
- Weak or No Boundaries
- Anger
- Sexual Problems
- Lack of Affection
