Building self esteem requires understanding the ways people avoid feeling with substances, smoking, dishonesty, denial of having feelings, sex, weather talk, and to avoid too much exposure, many addicts push people away. In improving self esteem, it is necessary to realize that you are not responsible for others feelings. Some things youth are told which makes them codependent children are:
- “You are my pride and joy.”
- This takes away from the persons worth of doing things for themselves.
- “You can do it if you want, but you are breaking my heart.”
- Tries to make a person conform to another against their will.
- “I don’t love you when you do things like that.”
- This does not give a child a chance to develop and learn naturally how to do things that bring him joy.
Understanding how people grow up learning to be afraid of upsetting anyone is a key to recognizing areas needing to be developed for codependency and addiction recovery, or building of self esteem.
Many children (and adults) are made to feel a need to be perfect or pleasing to everyone. They have no sense of self worth and eventually are not sure what they do feel as they have learned to “stuff” their true needs, wants and feelings deep inside for another’s gain.
A child is asked a question directly and before they get a chance to answer someone else steps in and gives a solution or answer for them. This robs confidence in their own abilities to figure out and solve issues, while lowering self esteem.
*Remember this when you feel you are the answer to everyone else’s problems.