Creating Growth & Eliminating Manipulations

Creating Growth & Eliminating Manipulations | Hopelinks

While you are on the road to recovery, you will need to keep you esteem growing. Enhancing growth and eliminating manipulations while building self esteem keeps the process going.

To Begin Enhancing Growth Make Two Lists

Desirable Qualities in Me

  • Assertive
  • Well Groomed
  • Self Time
  • Willing to Learn New Things

Things About Me I Would Like to Change

  • Waste time
  • Lack of initiative
  • Shy
  • Lack of friends

Now List Assets About Yourself

  • Build upon the assets you have and and don’t belittle yourself for not knowing everything.
  • Acknowledge nobody is perfect, even though some people act like they are.
  • Perfectionism is a sign of no self respect and having to do better than all others.

Games People Play to Cover Feelings


  • Intellectualizes
  • Rationalizes
  • Minimizes
  • Theorizes
  • Analysis
  • Explains
  • Justifies

The Intellectual is superior, arrogant, controlled, super straight laced.


  • Disagrees
  • Argues
  • Threatens
  • Attacks
  • Sarcastic
  • Disrupts
  • Interrupts
  • Fights

The Arguer is stubborn, defiant, hostile, angry, resentful, intolerant.

People Pleaser

  • Agrees
  • Flatters
  • Pleases People
  • Smiles
  • Jokes
  • Apologizes
  • Promises

The People Pleaser is phony, wishy-washy, nice guy, brown noser.


  • Avoids People
  • Avoids Issues
  • Avoids Feelings
  • Withdraws
  • Evades

The Avoider is aloof rejecting, sullen, suspicious, self-pitying, martyr.

Feelings of the Game Players

  • Sad
  • Lonely
  • Hurt
  • Inadequate
  • Fearful
  • Anger

Eliminating Manipulations While Building Self Esteem

Expectations of being accepted due to behavior or others standards are also manipulative and dysfunctional.

Always get good grades., changes to, Nobody is perfect., or, I do well in…
Don’t betray the family., becomes, I will be true to myself. I can develop my own supportive family.
Don’t ask questions., chould be, Nobody ever learns without asking questions.
Always look good,, is, I am not here to impress anybody and I look and dress to please my tastes, not others.
Always be in control., can be changed to, Control is power and lack of intimacy and is not what I want or give or take in my life.

The farther you separate from the rules and demands of the family of origin to develop who you really are, the faster and more abundant will be your life.

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