Young Teens & Adolescents – Middle School Years
When your child is school age let them visit the school and meet teachers first. Make sure you approve of the teacher yourself. If your child continually complains or starts getting sick due to school go talk to the teacher or principal if necessary. If you have done a good job so far and the teacher is fair you should not run into many problems. If other kids pick on your child teach them to say, “I like the way I am.” The teacher should stop any physical abuse.
Let your child pick out outfits they will wear the next day. When they get to 4th grade or so start letting them choose new school outfits they want (you may not like) and you choose the rest. Gradually letting them have more control over their life is a step toward independence, not codependence, which is the goal.
Be sure to celebrate birthdays, holidays and any achievements they make. Do not withhold your gifts at these times even if there has been “acting out.” Birthdays should always be treated as special regardless of current situations. You do not want your love to become conditional.
By the 4th grade they should also be able to do chores around the house for an allowance. Be sure you let them manage their own allowance. If they run out, they run out.
Parents are responsible to feed, cloth and shelter their children through 18 unless they get physically abusive. Parents should never let physical abuse or any type of molestation in the house. Parents should not be naked in front of the child after age three and neither should the child. Teach your child nobody touches their private parts except themself. Be sure you get books to read yourself and some for children about where babies come from which explains sex very gradually.
Jr. high and high school are going to have strong temptations for sex and drugs. If you have a strong relationship with your child and have educated them there is less chance they will get involved. Be sure you put your time and efforts into their talents whether an instrument, sports, art or some other hobby. Let them pick their activities as long as it is healthy.
Know where they are at all times. If you let them have a phone tell them that it is taken away a week at time and they are on restriction the first time they don’t let you know where they are or call if they are going to be late.
