Hindrances to Healing
The American culture demonstrates a quick fix, get over it type of attitude toward grief. This creates a hinderance to overcoming the stages of grief and loss. Most employers don’t give more that three days, if any, off to attend matters relating to a death in a family. Also, families tend to live more scattered and are not always together to help each other go through the loss.
The American image is to be perfect. Families also tend to play games and keep secrets instead of dealing with what really happened and the effects. These ways of doing things do not promote recovery.
You may have to establish a circle of friends to replace the loss of support families of origin used to give each other in previous generations. Families that are not emotional close may actually find themselves fighting over the inheritance to determine who gets the most or who was closest to the deceased person when favoritism is displayed but not openly talked about.
Things are done behind the others back and hidden, although the party being hidden from usually finds out. This is a form of denial and some people never get past that initial stage.
The problem with staying in denial is that you bring the unresolved issues into future relationships. You may find yourself blowing up at little things at work as you feel it is wrong to confront your family. Either that, or the family is not open to your confrontation and makes remarks like, “You know that is not true.” At times like these it is often necessary to seek outside counseling. Also, journaling the feelings and following the cycle of grief mentioned earlier may also be beneficial.