Planning to Overcome Stress, in Codependent Relationships
When in a disagreement with somebody else you could state, “I understand what you are feeling, but I feel…”. It is okay to be a different person since no two people are identical. Remember to say ‘no’ without excuses, because you don’t have to prove yourself worthy.
There are some excellent books to deal with codependency recovery for adults that have been abused as a child and carry inner shame and anger. Overcoming these issues many times is also critical to codependency recovery
Broken Children, Grown up Pain: Understanding the Effects of Your Wounded Past, by Paul Hegstrom, is about understanding the effects of the wounded past. He also wrote, Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse, about breaking the cycle of physical and emotional abuse.
The second is especially good for enabling women in relationships. Healing the Child Within, by Charles Whitfield, is the rediscovery of the child within. Young adults, before they start their own family may benefit from this.
Many people find these books hard to put down as they see the possibility of new life with freedom from codependency and as an individual with wants and needs, who should be respected without shame and guilt.
After learning the basic assertive skills it is important to know how to deal with confrontation while you are planning to oversome stress in codependent relationships.
Steps for Confronting a Person Harming You Directly
Confront the behavior in private, away from others when possible.
Be considerate but stay with your boundaries. Refuse to be codependent.
Don’t compare the person with others. This is your issue.
In a relationship with codependency if the person does not listen confront them every time the action is repeated. Remember a resort is the police or other protective services. If a person persists in violence you are responsible to protect yourself by seeking help.
Statements to remember in stressful, or anger provoking situations, during codependency recovery.
- I am under no obligation to say “yes” to want I don’t want.
- I can still feel good even if others are upset. Don’t let someone else rob your joy.
- I have a right to disagree with the course.
- I have a right to tell others when they are acting annoying or leave the situation.
- I have the right to live free from codependency and codependent relationships.
- Other people can have other opinions without changing yours.
- Saying ‘no’ doesn’t always mean someone will quit liking you.
- Other people don’t know what I want unless I tell them.
- It is not necessary I please others or others please me all the time. People do disagree.
- I can please people I care about but not all the time or at my expense.
