The Process of Overcoming Unhealthy Anger
Overcoming anger in codependent relationships is usually a lengthy process which requires a great deal of effort and honesty. Overcoming codependency and anger together can take even longer. Please, seek professional help and be patient with yourself. Persistence is usually a key to overcoming any issue or habit.
Anger is an emotion that can be healthy or unhealthy. Healthy anger is when you have had an inner value, your body or personal space violated or your property is damaged. It is natural to defend your own body and the environment you created and it is also normal to experience anger while grieving.
Anger can also alert you that you may be in danger. When you meet someone in a rage it is better to get out of the situation and not put yourself in danger. People who have anger that escalates to rage are not able to deal with you coherently. People who you don’t know touching you can be an alert. It is custom to save embrace and intimacy for people in a close relationship.
Anger can be unhealthy when you are the one in the rage. Sometimes this happens because anger has built up over a long period of time and finally exploded, like a volcano. (Victims with, or without, codependency who have passively sat through abuse sometimes do this.)
Another reason anger gets unhealthy is because of a pattern of abuse or lack of a role model displaying anger appropriately. (Many people learn to stuff anger, which wears on the body or turns inward and leads to depression and is a main cause of codependency.) Sometimes people selfishly want their own way with no regard for others. Jealousy of someone has more or received a promotion you thought was yours is another cause of anger. The way the anger is expressed is the difference between healthy anger and unhealthy anger.