When raising independent children is important to avoid youth and child codependency. Overcoming and preventing codependency may be challenging, but can be achieved. There are simple changes or adaptations you can incorporate to help your child develop into a well adjusted youth.
Infancy to School Age
Infancy (the first six months)
- The baby should be the center of both parents.
- The baby needs to be held closely by both parents near the heart.
- If the mother does not breast feed the baby should always be held close when given a bottle.
- If the baby cries at any time unless it is a few minutes at bed or nap time, they should be comforted.
- Rock them to sleep if necessary the first few months.
Six Months to 1 Year
- The baby should still be held close as long as on a bottle.
- The bottle should not be taken away by the parent but gradually substitute it for a cup.
- If the baby/toddler wants a bottle at night, it should be given to them.
- These are all ways to build up the babies trust in the parents and therefore in himself.
The baby at first does not recognize himself as an individual entity as he is totally dependent. Be sure to get immunizations and check-ups. Find a doctor who is nurturing within your parental standards or change doctors. You hire the doctor and you should get the service you ask for. During this time the child will probably begin to crawl and stand up, even possibly begin taking a few steps. They are beginning to realize they have a “self.”
It is important a parent stay within eye sight at all times. Avoid daycare if one parent can stay home. Your first obligation is to the well being of your child who cannot protect themself and is still nonverbal as far as reporting things. A child should be introduced to many foods to discover what they like.
Also, introduce them to the environment. Show them the pictures on the walls and name them. Get simple picture books and name the objects so they associate words with objects that are concrete. You can use simple phrases like look up and point to the sky. Name the trees and flowers to create an interest in nature. Childproof your house so it is as safe as it can be to keep them free from harm. Lock the cupboard doors within reach and use safety plugs. Put things like stereos that you don’t want them to touch out of reach. As the child grows in words you can begin bringing things into the living environment.
Ages 2 to 3
As they go to reach for things that are yours simply say, “no”, and lead him to their things. When doing this use a normal tone of voice so the child gets used to listening without being yelled at. Start putting hands on, “manipulative” or “motor skill” toys out to play with your toddler from two to three. Playdough, sand boxes, crayons and paints are great. Don’t worry about the mess. You can use a plastic table cloth that is easily wiped off.
It is appropriate to get baby sitters you know well or family members the child is acquainted with so you can go out for an evening or the afternoon. Eventually sleepovers at grandparents to give parents their own privacy can be great. The child after two is gradually incorporated as a member of the family instead of what the family involves around.
Routines are essential. Set a regular bedtime. At a young age children must be assisted in brushing their teeth and bathing. A key to good parenting is and help avoid codependency is to realize when the child is able to do things themself.
When they can brush their own teeth, say, “When you have brushed your teeth and have your pajamas on, I will read you a story.” Stay with the number you say. Develop their trust so they know you are true to your word.
The best discipline involves having plenty of age appropriate activities at the house, going to parks, visiting neighbor friends so the child is satisfied with life. If they get into areas of trouble try to distract them. If they refuse to their pajamas on then say, “I will give you five minutes or no story.” If they still refuse put them to bed with no story in their clothes if they insist. Being firm with limits lets them know you have standards and hethey will have to obey the standards to get the privileges. Life runs this way, even in work.
