The Beginning of Codependent Relationships…
Codependency starts when a person goes against their own beliefs, desires and opinions in a relationship to make someone else pleased, or, lives believing they need an outside person or substance to be complete.
Codependency could be called: operating with a false self.
Most people, when they read this, may be quick to say “I never do that.” The reason behind this is, as children, people are programmed to live through others’ expectations (codependency). Things such as: putting someone on a rigid schedule or making them eat foods they don’t like rather than offering choices causes them to be codependent.
Pushing sports or talents, you want a child to have, either, because you did not have them, or, because you want your child to live the way you did, also creates codependency, in personalities and behaviors. Many people are so “programmed” by adulthood, they have adopted a “false self”, and, may not even realize it, because, codependency has become real to them.
There is also a “subconscious connection” to becoming codependent. When a parent who has been abused or neglected, in some way, is unwilling to make the effort to overcome codependency in their own life, they may transfer their codependent personality and behaviors to their children.
This is the beginning of how codependency develops. It takes a lot of work to begin codependency recovery, and, even more work to see it through. As people do, they (and those around them), including their children (assuming they have children), will be brought into more consciousness and overcome their false self without as much effort. Wholeness includes: physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional. The four go together as part of your soul.
It Takes Two to Be Codependent
Codependent relationships begin when family members take on addiction or codependent family roles rather than expressing their feelings, wants or needs.
It should be quite easy to identify when a person has adopted a family role, because they do not know how to communicate anger in a healthy way.
In some alcohol and drug users, anger is expressed at the rest of the family, by the addicted one. Anger can escalate into domestic violence, leaving the family in a victim role.
The rebel, is more inclined to let the anger out, but, it is in a negative way, which labels them as a troublemaker. The rebel does this to distract from and enable the addict. These are all signs of codependency.
When people start to find help for codependency and overcome the family roles, they realize how much of their life has been stolen. This realization often leads to anger at the injustice of codependency. It can mean: not having a childhood; missing planned events; not being allowed to talk since everything is secret; or, many other things
When anger begins to surface, it can be a positive sign of recovery since family members are reclaiming their dignity and individuality, thereby breaking the codependency cycle.
The preceding can be: the beginning of the road to becoming whole.
